


Mirage

by Anonymous



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Hence additional M/M categorization, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of other ships sort of hinted at?, M/M, Mentions of guns/gun violence, On Libertarian’s second hat is Centricide tagging a mess, Other, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Would tag Left Unity but it's not the main focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28190874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: After suffering an embarrassing defeat and being flung to the middle of nowhere, forced to retrace his steps, Nazi has no choice but to reflect on his memories, and come to terms with a particular moment in time he's chosen to ignore.
Relationships: Anarcho-Communism/White Identitarian | Nazi (Centricde), Anfash - Relationship, Oppunity, authright/libleft, opposite unity - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29
Collections: Anonymous





	Mirage

Nazi's head spins around like the Earth, or something poetic. No, he doesn't think that's poetic. It's still accurate, though. The Earth is shit right now and he feels like shit.

He doesn't remember anything except the fact that, well, he doesn't remember anything. After looking around the lush landscape, he presses his fingers to his temples, harder and harder until it hurts. That should get him thinking.

Ah, yes. He remembers now. He almost wishes he didn't, though. He got kicked through the sky by a giant boot. There's really no better way to phrase that, he figures. Ancap and Commie probably saw him. He's going to be a laughingstock when he gets back.

Ancap and Commie. That's something else.

Now, Nazi's remembering too much for him to note. The Centricide, the extremist household, the interviews. But something--no, someone--rises to the top of his mind.

Nazi pushes down these thoughts back to the deepest parts of his conscience, of course. Could he at least remember how this all started? That would be good, he thinks, beginning to make his way towards where he thinks he needs to go. He sees a faint lime-colored light up ahead, far beyond. That has to mean something. He starts walking, and starts thinking.

_Nazi looks over the card he had been given for what's probably the twelfth time. He still doesn't understand a thing this self-proclaimed "Anti-Centrist" is talking about._

_"So." He rests the card on a nearby table. "What's the purpose of this... Centricide? Why would I kill the centrists when they agree with me more than, say, the extremists? What's in this for me?"_

_You see, Nazi--"_

_"White Identitarian."_

_Jreg purses his lips for the smallest moment, then smiles. "White Identitarian. The centrists preserve the status quo. Obviously, as a... As an extremist, you're against the status quo. So are other extremists, of course. If you can get rid of the centrists, the strongest of the extremes will implement whatever ideology they see fit."_

_Nazi nods._

_"Now," Jreg continues, "with the power of all extremes on the compass combined, the centrists can be easily wiped out. In short, if you work together with the extremists under my lead, whoever's the strongest of you will take over."_

_Nazi's eyes widen. He knows who the strongest of the extremes is. It's him, obviously. If he can get this plan to work, his dreams might just come true. He could have that ethnostate he's been dreaming of as long as he can remember._

_Nazi reaches out his hand, and Jreg shakes it._

_"Good," the Anti-Centrist says. "Be sure to check the card again to find the right address."_

_Nazi grabs the card off the table, and he's about to leave when he considers something._

_"Jreg." He slowly turns around. "How did you get the other extremists to join this union? Or am I the first one?"_

_"You're the last ideology I asked. I figured you'd be the most... Controversial. I couldn't have anybody leaving the Centricide just because we needed your help."_

_Nazi nods, thanks Jreg, and leaves for real. Thoughts of the other extremists cross his mind. Some he knows, and some he doesn't. Jreg wasn't very specific, so Nazi's not sure what he meant by "extremist". Did that include the Wackies? Nazi shudders. He doesn't want to have to see Nazbol anytime soon, if he was even still considered a Wacky. Or Commie, for that matter. He decides there's no way Jreg arranged this without at least one of the two, though, so he decides to prepare himself in advance._

_Maybe he recruited the Ancap, too. Nazi doesn't think he has much in common with the Right-Anarchist, frankly speaking. They can still get along when they need to, of course._

_Nazi, Commie, and Ancap. That covers three extremes on the compass, at least when considering the corners. Who else would that leave?_

_It takes Nazi a second or two to remember who occupies the south-west portion of the compass. And then he remembers he'll be living in a house with all the extremists for... A while. However long it takes to complete the Centricide._

_As much fun as it might be to see one of those Antifa-types complain about living with him, Nazi doesn't think he'll be able to stand it for too long. He'll have to make this quick._

Nazi's remembering more about the Centricide. And how, at this point, it's really not about killing centrists any longer. Unless his memory's mistaken, he's been beat (for the time being) by the embodiment of Accelerationism. He still can't get over how comedic the other extremists must've thought that was. He's remembering them now, too. The bagels. Of course there were the bagels. Was there anything important that happened from the bagel incident to the moment when the first weakling among their ranks left?

Nazi wants to say there wasn't. He wants to skip ahead to when the anarchists left and he could push their nonsense aside. He knows it's not that simple. But knowing that isn't the same as thinking about it, he decides as he walks ever closer to the light. He doesn't know if it's anything meaningful, and he doesn't care. He just needs one simple goal to achieve for now.

(Focus on the light. The green dot. Whatever it is.)

As it turns out, Nazi can't even handle that, because he's looking to his sides. On his left, there's a beautiful forest, filled with tall and dark trees. Part of him wants to lie down underneath one and let his memory be obscured again, like his body would be underneath the shadows cast down by the leaves.

That's enough of the forest for now, he decides, and looks to his right.

He regrets it.

Everything's there just as Ancom described. Nazi's never seen the flower field in person, or even in photos, but he was listening well enough that night to recognize it immediately. Yellow flowers, hills, and a mountain in the background. Nazi looks at the horizon, and some black mass zips over it. Just as Ancom described.

It has to be a mirage, Nazi's decided. He's going to close his eyes and open them ten seconds later. When he looks again, the field won't be there.

Darkness.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

And open.

(Nazi isn't looking at the field. He's looking straight ahead, at the light. He's not sure if he wants to know whether the field is there or not.)

Now, Nazi thinks as he starts to walk again, he has to remember something. How about an interaction with his fellow rightist? Those are fun to look back on. Always fun.

_The leftists are ruining themselves again. It's like Commie wasn't even listening to Nazi while they were taking that morning walk. Nazi can't believe he had to explain to the communist of all people why keeping the group together was important._

_Where's Ancap? Nazi wants to watch some SJW cringe compilations with him. At least he doesn't have to work with_ those _leftists on a daily basis._

 _It's only a matter of time before Nazi's on Ancap's expensive bed. He_ _can tell it's expensive because it doesn't cause a dull pain in every part of his body when you gets into it. Ancap can pay enough money for 35 houses, but not enough to give the extremists all decent beds._

_"Ancap!" Nazi yells. He's about to explain himself, but Ancap comes running, then walking, in either way, so he doesn't bother._

_"Call of Duty?" The capitalist asks._

_Nazi shakes his head. "I'm in the mood for some cringe content today."_

_"Other than the cringe content outside of this room, you mean?"_

_Nazi cringes internally at the joke, but maintains the same expression he held before._

_"Maybe it's to take my mind off the fact I have to work with these people."_

_Ancap mutters something under his breath, then takes out one of his many phones. There's a video up before Nazi can even comment on how this phone is so golden it hurts to look at._

"The following video contians the most cringiest sightings of SJWs,Its so cringey I couldnt watch most of them while editing this video. Viewer discretion is advised," _the text at the video's beginning says. This is going to be a good one._

_It's not a good one, actually. Maybe it would be on another day. This intrepid student and his corrupted professor just happen to be arguing about the same nonsense the two leftists outside are._

_The camera's at a weird angle. It's probably just on the ground. Nazi's vision is blurring and becoming unfocused, just like his thoughts. The things the professor is saying brings Ancom to mind. Why would he watch these sorts of videos with Ancap knowing exactly the things they'd make him think of?_

_"No, listen." Commie booms from outside. "That time we burned down McDonalds, for example. While not the most... Meaningful thing to do, that was doing something. That was making change. I do not see the purpose behind this 'expression of identity'. Individual identity is irrelevant."_

_"Listen to yourself, Tankie!" Nazi hears Ancom cry. "My identity shouldn't have to further any goals just because you want it to. Not everything has to be political."_

_"You are literal political ideology!"_

_Nazi thinks of what happened that night again and zones out. He doesn't hear either leftist say anything while he does, but he does hear someone--probably Ancom--stomping off to their room._

_He thinks, just for a moment, about getting up and seeing what went on. Tankie's always the one talking about unity and unionizing shit. Why can't he do what he tells everyone else to and keep the team together? Nazi's already done his part more than he's needed to. He'll do it again. Anything to keep the team together. To complete the Centricide and ensure him an ethnostate in the near future, of course._

_Nazi gets up from Ancap's bed, but just as easily and slightly as he rises, Ancap puts his hand on Nazi's shoulder, and he finds himself sitting back on the bed. Without a word, Ancap presses play, and Nazi's watching the uninteresting debate once again._

_It's almost done now. Nazi still can't think about anything (related to the video, at least) besides the odd camera angle._

_Out of the blue, Ancap laughs to himself._

_"What is it?" Asks Nazi._

_"I don't think you'd appreciate my insight."_

_"Of course I would."_

_Ancap just shakes his head. He's about to turn up the volume when he gets a call from his phone._

_The capitalist raises the phone and jumps out of his bed. "Business. Sorry, Nazi, but I'm afraid I'm going to need my privacy for this."_

_Nazi almost wants to correct him and say he's a White Identitarian, but he knows they both know that's bullshit. Nazi leave his room, and almost starts to head into Ancom's._

_Wait. Why is he doing this? What has Ancom ever done for him? (He's certainly done things for Ancom, or at least tried to... But that's besides the point.) What will Ancom_ ever _do for him? Nothing. That's what. Unity is important for all this Centricide nonsense, but once it's done, what would be the point in getting attached to any of these people? Even Nazi's time with Ancap and, on occasion, Commie, hasn't been well-spent. It just might make things harder for you when the time comes, which it will._

_Fuck this. No more SJW compilations. No more morning walks. And certainly no more thoughts of trying to help Ancom again._

_(Nazi definitely thinks of helping Ancom when he sees an abandoned bat on the floor. Nazi knows Ancom's never seen without that bat. The anarchist is obviously upset. But Nazi has better things to do with his time than worry about that pathetic degenerate, doesn't he? He'll just let Commie deal with this situation. Nazi won't attempt to solve any of their problems. Not any longer.)_

Nazi's still fighting the urge to look at the flower fields, to look and wonder about what Ancom thought. How that particular betrayal would sting, over and over again. This just makes him think about Commie. Why doesn't he do that? Think about Commie, and the glowing source of light ahead. (Now that he focuses on it instead of his thoughts, it's faint. Is it even real? Just a mirage? Nazi considers using his ten-second strategy, but he doesn't want to know it's not real if it isn't. He needs something to dedicate himself to, no matter how mindless.)

_It's hard to come up with a plan of attack when Commie's busy groveling and groaning. Over Ancom, of all people. Like he didn't put down the degenerate at any chance he could._

_Ancom's leave is, of course, better for the team. Ancap is a rightist like Nazi, and Commie's an authoritarian. As long as everyone can agree to unite under Nazi, perhaps as their leader... This actually has a better chance of working._

_So why does the extremist household feel so empty?_

_It's just because of Commie's complaints. And Ancap's increased drug usage, of course. He's always spacing out. He never used to do that before. (One would think with the other anarchist gone, he'd straighten up his act.) Everyone's habits are getting worse and worse now that Ancom's gone. Ironically, the degenerate leaving has caused everyone else but Nazi to degenerate. (That doesn't make sense and he knows it.)_

_Maybe Ancom also held the team together. Just as much as Nazi connects the communist and the capitalist now, Ancom did the same then. Or is it Post-Left? Whatever. Nazi's never been one to care about names or labels._

_"Nazi!" Someone yells. Despite their voices being rather distinguishable, Nazi doesn't bother using the miniscule amount of brainpower required to figure out who's saying this. "Nazi! I need your help!"_

_"It's Social Darwinist!" He yells back._

_"What are we going to do with Ancom's things?"_

_Nazi pauses. For whatever reason, he wants to look at everything the anarchist left. But he has a feeling that will only slow down his thought process further. He'll just let whoever's yelling at him deal with it._

_"Somebody else do it, I'm focusing on the reason we're all here! The Centricide!"_

_Nazi hears nothing in response. It's only now that he realizes Ancap and Commie are buzzed out from drugs and alcohol respectively. They can't clean up anything. In fact, they wouldn't even notice if he goes in Ancom's room._

_(That's a weird thing to think and he knows it. But he could scream his deepest, darkest secrets, and nobody in this house would remember the next day.)_

Nazi remembers how strange he used to be and shudders. Really, once the anarchists were gone, he was able to set himself straight. He told off the capitalist without a second thought. There's really not a more concise way to put it. His team had already fallen apart. By making its weaker members leave, he was strengthening it. That didn't matter, of course, once the International League of Nationalists was made. But that was so long after Commie and Nazi had their fair share of adventures.

(Nazi thinks, for a moment, the light he's walking shifts to a tint closer to orange. But he blinks and it's back to green. The color reminds him of a lot of things, but especially the fields to his right he wants to look at. He won't.)

_If there's one policy from the far left Nazi finds himself more willing to get behind after recent events, it's environmental regulation. He's honestly always been fine with the preservation of resources for his people. (Saying those things, of course, won't win him the support of moderates like Christian Conservative, so his support for things like that isn't well-known.) Of course, breathing in the smog of Ancapistan would be enough to make even the most staunch climate denier sign the Green New Deal._

_Of course, Nazi can look at the bright side of Ancapistan. Corporations, like natural resources, can be used to help the people. They're just inconvenient at the moment. (Ideologies should not, under any circumstances, find themselves coughing uncontrollably like some sickly civilian.)_

_Nazi can tell that Commie's even more ready to leave than he is. Now that the two are alone together more often, Nazi doesn't realize what he disliked about his fellow authoritarian. (Either that, or he's deciding not to care for the time being.) Of course, they've had their skirmishes in the past, but that means nothing now with the Centricide._

_Of course, Nazi still remembers the way Commie would betray Ancom in revolution after revolution. But Nazi doesn't have any sympathy for the back-stabbing, formerly green scum. No matter what happened that night._

_What was he thinking about? Oh. Yes. Commie's constant betrayals. Of course, he was only told to betray the anarchist by the state, but he had started every one of those revolutions knowing how they would end. Nazi only hoped he was stronger than the Communist in the end, once the Centricide was over with. No. Nazi knows he's stronger. He'll overpower this brute as soon as all of the centrists are gone. Who all do they still have to deal with? Just Radical Centrist himself, right? Maybe the Horseshoe guy, too. Nazi's moderately confident those two are the only left the statists would have to kill._

_The two walk out of Ancapistan. "Rot in hell, kulaks," says Commie. Nazi's too fatigued to think of a clever thing to add onto that, so he says nothing._

As much as he'll always have a certain type of loathing for Commie, Nazi can't help but miss the days when it was just the two of them. Of course, it was only a matter of time before he found his true calling as a leader of the International League of Nationalists. Nazi looks to his right, but not at the field. He looks to the great and mighty mountains ahead of him. They're larger than they were before. He looks beneatht hem, and is surprised to see nothing like the field of yellow flowers remaining.

(Looking forward once again, he sees that the light has become undeniably bright. He's unable to tell what color it is now, but that doesn't matter.)

_Nazi's pretty happy with his life now. Ever since he finally left the Centricide (and Commie, too, thank goodness), things have been going his way. He's managed to recruit a sizeable amount of ideologies to his International League of Nationalists. Once everyone has their own ethnostate, they'll leave the lLague and just stay there for the rest of their dubiously immortal lives. All of Nazi's dreams will be fulfilled. His very own ethnostate, all for himself, with nobody else. Untouched by degeneracy. Absolutely perfect._

_"Oh, Nazi! It's Chick Flick Friday again. 10 Things I Hate About you is tonight's pick. And no, silly, you won't convince me otherwise!"_

_Speaking of degeneracy._

_If he's being honest, the Homonationalist reminds Nazi of Ancom. Sort of. While the anarchist was prone to wearing nail polish and skirts around the extremist household, Homonationalist revels in his degeneracy even more. It almost makes Nazi miss Ancom when he sees Homonationalist doing... What he does. Sometimes, when they're together late at night like this, Nazi can pretend it's Ancom he's sitting next to. He could, that is. But why would he do that? Why would he want to hear that annoying, screechy voice again? Have one more cop outside of the extremist household that Nazi has to fend off for Ancom's safety? Why would anybody want to see another random protest souvenir on the floor, look at it for a while, and wonder about things a protest souvenir shouldn't make someone reasonable wonder about? Nobody would want any of those things._

_Nazi just needs some time alone. He's been with people too much recently. Maybe the League isn't any better just because of the people it's comprised of._

_"Come on, Nazi! It's based on Shakespeare. That's traditional, and you just love tradition, don't you?"_

_The sooner he gets his ethnostate, the better._

Nazi doesn't know how it happened, but it seems he's back in the city. Maybe he was being overdramatic, and he wasn't really stranded in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps it was all a trick of the mind, and none of it ever happened.

Then, he sees them. Or what he thinks could be them.

In the rubble, two bright masses of red and green make themselves apparent.

That's definitely Ancom. And that has to be Commie. Nazi could've sworn Ancom looked completely different after defecting, but what did he know?

What did Nazi know about Ancom? What would he ever know about Ancom? Nazi thought he knew more about Ancom than Commie did.

Why did Ancom always come back to Commie? After all he's done?

They're embracing now. Shaking hands? Hugging? Kissing? It doesn't matter; Nazi sees them together and his vision blurs.

It's just another mirage, like everything else he's seen or thought today, or ever. He's going to close his eyes, count to ten, open them, and see nothing.

Darkness.

_Nazi can't sleep. The walls of this house are relatively thin, so he can hear Ancom's high-pitched sobs from several rooms away. Whenever he closes his eyes, he hears nothing but that insufferable voice._

_After what seems like an eternity of testing every method he can to get to sleep, Nazi decides it's time to confront Ancom. It won't be tolerated for some ideologies to ruin others' sleep just because they're having some hissy fit._

Ten.

_Nazi gets up out of his bed and opens his door, not trying to be quiet. Everyone can already hear Ancom, anyway._

_He slams Ancom's door open, planning to shut it once he finds out what's going on._

_Nazi expects to see Ancom holding a stuffed animal, or some picture of Commie. (He swears those two are hiding something rotten.) But he just sees Ancom curled up, seemingly asleep._

Nine.

_Nazi considers poking Ancom. He doesn't know what else to do, but that would be too weird. How else is he supposed to stop this... Sleep-crying? Nazi had no clue this was a thing until now._

_Maybe he'll just try talking first._

_"Ancom?" Says Nazi in the most soothing voice he can use._

_Ancom twitches, opens one eye, and then opens another. "No. I won't."_

_"Won't what?"_

_"I won't do it again."_

Eight.

_Nazi sits down on Ancom's bed. Ancom doesn't move, or say a word._

_Nazi sighs. "What's wrong?"_

_"It's just... Wait. Who the fuck are you?"_

_Shit._

_"Answer me."_

_"It's me," Nazi admits as quickly as he can._

_"Very specific." Ancom mutters. "You know, your voice is nice and soft, I'll give you that. But everyone's voices just... Blend together for me, you know?"_

_Nazi doesn't know. He prefers to remember every little quirk, every small detail, about a person he can. To use against them in the future. This is why Nazi notices things like the way Ancom's lips press against each other when overwhelmingly mad or upset. That's happening now, but to a less noticeable extent._

Seven.

_"It's me," he says again. "Um. White Identitarian."_

_Ancom sits right up, almost knocking Nazi over. "Nazi? Get out of my room."_

_"Listen. I just want to... Help."_

_Ancom tenses up. "Why? What do you have to gain from 'helping' me?"_

_Nazi looks over Ancom. A red face, visible even in the dark. Worried eyes, twitching ever so slightly. Shaking._

_Nazi might have come into Ancom's room to stop the wailing and get to sleep, but sleep was the last thing on his mind now._

Six.

_"Honestly? I have no clue." He thought for a moment. "You're not in a strong state right now. I need everyone on my side to be the best they can be, and you're not at your best."_

_Ancom sighs. "That's true. But I don't need your help, you know. I'm not weak."_

_"Like it or not, Ancom, you were crying in your sleep."_

_"I can make you leave whenever I want to."  
_

_That was true. Nazi knows not to mess with anarchists in terms of physical strength. As much as he hates to admit it, fighting people at riots builds up muscle far better than playing Call of Duty._

_"Just... Explain what's wrong so I can help. I can leave then if you want me to."_

_"Okay. Okay. I'll play your game for now."_

Five.

_"You..." Ancom sighs, flops down on the bed, then sits up again. "You know what always happens after a leftist revolution, right?"_

_Nazi nods. It's common knowledge among ideologies, and even joked about at times._

_"Too many revolutions have ended... Disastrously for me. It's the same field every time. Yellow flowers. Majestic blue mountains behind us. Rolling hills. There's always something black zipping around in the sky. I never look at it, but I always feel it there. And I don't know why, but every time, I..._

_"You what?"_

_"I let him do it."_

_"Do what?"_

_"Shoot me, you fucking idiot."_

Four.

_Nazi recoils._

_"I'm sorry," they both say at the same_ time.

_"I didn't mean to be so harsh--"_

_"I should've thought of what it was like--"_

_And then they're both silent._

Three.

_"If Commie keeps on doing that to you," Nazi says, "and you're not okay with it, and you can stop--"_

_"Yes. I've considered stopping. But I don't think I can. Something just... Wills us together. I always have hope when I'm with him. Even if I'm certain how some things will turn out."_

_"That's unfortunate."_

_Ancom laughs. "And_ that's _an understatement."_

_Nazi looks to the wall, and then back to Ancom. Then down at himself. He says, "I think you have free will."_

_"Who said I didn't?"_

_Nazi really doesn't want to anger Ancom. That's a first. "If you choose to go back to Commie always knowing he'll end up hurting you, maybe that's just your decision."_

_"Maybe it is. Or maybe we're soulmates or something like that, except we're destined to kill each other instead of fall in love with each other. Or maybe it's both."_

_Without thinking, Nazi says, "But it doesn't have to be that way."_

Two.

_"Why shouldn't it be?"_

_"He's killed you--"_

_"I've killed plenty of people."_

_"Haven't we all? But ideologies are different from civilians. Especially ideologies you're supposed to trust. He gives you nightmares that wake up the whole house--"_

_"Wait." Ancom sits straight up, no longer hunched over. "Is that why you came here?"_

_Nazi suddenly notices his pulse is higher than normal. "Well, yes, but that's not why I stayed. I swear."_

_"Then why did you stay?"_

One.

_Nazi can't answer that question. He just looks at Ancom, hoping there will be some sort of understanding. But how could Ancom understand what's going through Nazi's head? Nazi himself certainly doesn't._

_"I see you can't even answer that with a lie."_

_"That's not why!"_

_"Then why is it? Just tell me."_

_Nazi sees Ancom's eyes watering up, even in the dark. He's done enough damage. This is why he doesn't try to help people. He just ends up making things worse._

_Nazi leaves the room without another word. Ancom's in even more pain, and it's all because of him. And the worst part of it all is that he's too much of a coward to just tell Ancom the truth._

And open.

They're still embracing. Nazi wipes his face to make sure it's absolutely dry. Maybe Ancom and Commie really are meant to be. Maybe Ancom was right, and they're soulmates, and there's nothing Nazi can do about it at all.

There's nothing he will do about it. So it might as well be true.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for @lime_muffin during Jritter's first group of digital Jrecret Jranta 2021. However, I might expand it into a series that deviates from the parameters I felt constrained to while writing this. If there's anything in this fic you think I should tag, please tell me, and I'll be sure to!
> 
> I had to watch SJW cringe compilations to make this fic as accurate as possible. While I didn't get through any of them completely, I ended up viewing parts of three. That's three too much. I hope you all think this was worth it.
> 
> As is standard fanfic affair, comments, no matter how short, are always appreciated!


End file.
